Marriage can be incredibly hard. I know of no couple who can say that for the entirety of their time together, it has been nothing but sunshine and butterflies, free of trials and challenges.
Speaking on a concept I referenced in a previous post of when our relationship seems to have gotten a flat tire, the most logical thing to do is fix the flat ourselves or take it to a mechanic trained for just such a situation. Does it make a lot of sense to send the marriage straight to the salvage yard, with a perfectly working engine and three other tires full and ready for the road?
Sadly, I know quite a few people who have been so blinded by one flat tire, that it appears to be a total to them, with no hope of repair. For some, a flat tire could represent infidelity or another breach of trust, but for others, this could be a minor conflict. I want to emphasize that it is totally NORMAL to disagree with your partner. It would be incredibly weird and boring if you agreed about everything.
We learn from Chapter 8 that “some research suggests that many who divorce have
regrets about the divorce later.” We also learn that “a handful of surveys from various states in the United States estimate that perhaps half of individuals wished they had worked harder to try to overcome their differences” (Hawkins, Fackrell, 2016, p. 82)
It’s always worth it to put the time and energy into addressing and fixing the flat tires in your marriage and doing whatever you can to try and resolve them. Even deep hurts and betrayals can be overcome, especially when you recommit to covenants and utilize the healing power of the Atonement.
In my opinion, I have always appreciated and cherished things that I have worked hard to get, and a long-lasting covenant marriage is no exception. There are so many resources out there to help heal and fix that flat tire before we haul it off to the salvage yard, including marriage counseling and working alongside your bishop to resolve conflicts.
For my marriage, couples counseling has done a world of good and I highly recommend that to anyone. There is no shame in admitting that you have a flat tire or even a wonky engine, it is NORMAL and there are people out there who would love to help you.
Hawkins, A., Fackrell, T.A. (2016). Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives. BYU Bookstore Publishing Services.