I’m here to tell you that if you don’t take anything else away from my blog, please hear this: dating your spouse is one of the most rewarding things that you can do. It’s no secret that while you are dating and preparing for marriage, everything is fun and new and exciting and it’s also not a secret that after you are married, you find your starter place to live and start working on your family, you can easily lose that luster of the newlywed glow.
I don’t think any couple means to lose the spark, and it can happen at varying times throughout your marriage, but all of the responsibilities you now share as a couple can start clouding the fun and commonalities you have with each other and felt strongly while dating.
My antidote for this lull in the love feeling is to KEEP DATING. I could not find the original author of this quote, but I love the advice, “To keep the one you have, treat them like you don’t have them yet.”
There is an entirely different attitude you can bring to your marriage if you treat your spouse how you did when you were dating, when you were getting to know each other, and everything was brand new. Well, there is good news! Even after several years of marriage, there are always new things you can learn about your spouse and an infinite number of experiences you can have with them. It’s important to make it a priority to keep getting to know your spouse and seeking out new experiences and opportunities with them.
This is something that I’m still trying to figure out completely with my husband, that balance between our needs as a couple and all the responsibilities we have, including our son. What effort we have already put into this has rewarded us ten-fold. We are reminded why we fell in love in the first place and just how much fun we have together. We are reminded that we have a good solid friendship at our foundation and that’s a really great feeling.
In Chapter 2 of our textbook, there is a great quote from Marvin J. Ashton that reads, “True love is a process. True love requires personal action. Love must be continuing to be real. Love takes time. Too often expediency, infatuation, stimulation, persuasion, or lust are mistaken for love. How hollow, how empty if our love is no deeper than the arousal of momentary feeling or the expression in words of what is no more lasting than the time it takes to speak them.” (Holman, Poulsen, et al 2016, p. 20). I love this quote because it is speaking of mature love, and I can’t think of a better way to keep cultivating that than putting effort into your spouse and dating them for your whole marriage.
Although you do have more on your plate when you are blending your lives, between work and school endeavors and bringing children into this world, your commitment and bond with each other is also important and deserves time just like anything else.
Holman T. B., Poulsen, F., et al (2016). Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives. BYU Bookstore Publishing Services.